The Wise Sayings Of The Imam:
"If there were only two choices, I'd rather be a bigot than a small-it. You're it."
"Mormonism is a religion with one too many 'm's' in its name."
"Whether it's got tits or testicles, it's going to cause you trouble."
"Only a teachers' union would find nothing wrong with making a retired teacher with braces on her teeth the pronouncer at a spelling bee."
"Run for your lives! Even the Christians drive like crap."
"All things considered, I prefer the Old World Disorder to the New World Order."
"The light beer of Lutheranism has five fewer sacraments than our regular beer."
"Forget the Antichrist. Obama is the AntiPaul. He has become all things to all men, that he might by all means enslave some."
"What happens to a doomsday cult when the world doesn't end? It becomes Christianity, then Islam, then Puritanism, then Mormonism."
"Daughters turn their fathers into social conservatives, but sons turn them into foreign policy liberals."
"Respect for our elders is enjoined by our religion not because they often deserve it, but because they often don't."
"America does better when she specializes in marksmen, not Marxmen."
"The first thing to go when a civilization begins to descend into despotism is proportionality. Suddenly all infractions become equal and equally intolerable without exception. The child who innocently draws a picture of a gun becomes the same as the one who brings a real one to school."
"Direct democracy means majoritarian mobs vote to extract money from your wallet and transfer it directly into theirs."
"Church and school: two places where the credulous ever go, believing it will improve them. A third is the voting booth."
"In a civilized country they say 'You can't make a purse out of a sow's ear,' in a barbarized one 'You can't polish a turd.' Guess which one we're in."
"The Norwegian Labour Party teaches its young to hate Israel and seeks to make that official government policy, and then they are surprised by the Utoya massacre?"
"If it costs somebody else money, it's not a right."
"Tyranny cannot endure because the tyrant is overcome by his own passions, which rule him."
"Democrats enslave the people to the big government store, Republicans to the discount store."
"The new American dream is four million Muslims headed back to Arabia with a liberal under each arm."
"Rush Limbaugh protests so much against the Republican establishment because the half of his brain tied behind his back is his suffering liberal self which keeps telling him he's one of them."
"Wise men know that human nature is neither all good nor all evil, but a mixture of the two. The problem is that, more often than not, it turns out to be a bad mixture."
"Who isn't a child of his time, except the one living in it?"
"Burial is your last act of recycling."
"Poverty is good because, like a severe illness, it can make you more alive to the world."
"Like vultures, corporate raiders perform a needed function in nature, but they are seldom popular as pets."
"People who will do anything for a job are dangerous because they will do anything."
"I'd be working class, if only I were working."
"Anger moves the evil to get even, the good to get justice, and true believers to expunge it, resulting in neither."
"America no longer declares wars because then it would have to win them."
"My passwords are so secure even I don't know them."
"Many people read and speak a foreign language, but few know and understand the truth even in their own."
"A people whose primary response to everything is emotional is an unpredictable people, which makes them unreliable to the global community."
"America is entirely a phenomenon of Protestantism. It is as unimaginable to conceive of it being birthed from Roman Catholic 'conservatism' as is blood from a turnip. You can't say 'No' to a king without a king saying 'No' to a pope, without a monk saying 'No' to Johann Tetzel."
"If sorrowful toil is the curse of all mankind, why are so many people clamoring for jobs?"
"The times demand self-application, self-restraint and self-mastery when all about us is servitude to backgammon, bawds and the bottle."
"Socialism is not a unique form of evil which has only lately made its appearance, at the end of 'history' as it were. It is simply the clothing worn by tyranny in our time."
"I'm so discombobulated today that I'm spelling it 'discomjimulated'".
"Keynesianism and Christianity are similar because each always has an answer for why it's not wrong."
"If you use less pants, there's fewer work washing them."
"True Protestantism protests Luther on behalf of Paul, Paul on behalf of Jesus, Jesus on behalf of The Prophets, and finally The Prophets on behalf of The Law of Moses."
"I'm usually firing on all cylinders, just not always in the right order."
"The politician becomes a statesman by losing for the sake of a principle."
"If you want to see human transformation, go to a graveyard, pal."
"Jesus is at his best as a critic of his own religion."
"The least presentable member of the body of Christ, in a word, stinketh. If not allowed to do its job, which is generally the case in Christendom, the church is rightly said to be 'Full of it'."
"There comes a winter in life after which there is no spring."
"One reason why heaven is such a pleasant place is that it is not densely populated."
"If man is the measure of all things, our contemporaries come up short."
"American National Socialism pacifies the people it robs with the welfare state."
"Patriotism is now the last refuge of the bugger."
"Predestination is a theological conception not unlike fate which is suggested by the inescapability of death and projected onto divinity by the human mind."
"In order to be a good steward of God's gifts, do the opposite of whatever Jim Cramer says to do."
"When you're too tired to cook, just make sure you don't mistake the catfood for the meatloaf."
