The Devil's Dictionary definition of "infidel"

Infidel

n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does. 

A proposed definition of "middle class" for The Devil's Dictionary

Middle class 

n. The economic class situated between the working class and the upper class, uglier than either for combining the worst features of the other two into one. It has just enough leisure at once to dream of being the idle rich, and to loathe those who do not.  

Authenticity, as the Devil's Dictionary might have it

Authenticity

n. 100% pure synthetic, formerly never used of persons for reasons no longer obvious, a vestige of  dead Romanticism cut from its corpse and cherished and venerated like a talisman in the pursuit of episodes of emotional excess.

Not coincidentally it is a disease particularly afflicting the young, who have little experience of being reliable, dependable and trustworthy but account for half of the 20 million new diagnoses of sexually transmitted disease every year. And more generally the world's fish population.

A proposed definition of "liberal" for The Devil's Dictionary

Liberal. n. A humorless fart, who blames you for his stink.

Why the Professor of Divinity doesn't go to church, if the Devil's Dictionary answered

Because those who can be divine . . . do, and those who can't . . . teach.

The Devil's Dictionary definition of "community service" among teenagers

Community service, the penance required of inductees into the National Honor Society for being smart.

"Collegial" as The Devil's Dictionary might define it

When members of a faculty commit to work together to enforce conformity of opinion, and can be trusted to silence contrary voices and advance the mediocrities who agree with them even though they fail to uphold the high standards they otherwise use to weed out their enemies. Especially required of junior colleagues without tenure and graduate students, in the opinion of the department chair. Characteristic of divinity programs and the secular departments which envy them. 

The Devil's Dictionary Definition Of The American Woman

"The American variety (felis pugnans) is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk."

Devil's Dictionary Definition Of "Proselyte"

Proselyte: Twofold more child of hell than yourself.

Also happens to be Jesus' definition in Matthew.

A Proposed Definition Of "Prophet" For The Devil's Dictionary

"Prophet": a person who takes himself too seriously, being a late product of a rich and declining civilization which has stopped excelling at everything except narcissism, which it has in such abundance, regrettably, that it exports it.

The Devil's Dictionary Turns 100

Stefany Anne Golberg for The Smart Set here attempts to rescue Ambrose Bierce from the clutches of "an animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be."

I rather think she does:

There’s a connection between the Devil and the word that goes back to the original Greek diábolos, which means “slanderer” or “accuser.” Bierce knew all too well the demons that lurk in our language. He wrote that the cynic sees things as they are, but also wrote that they ought to be otherwise. This is another way of saying that the cynical writer’s role is to bring the message of goodness. For only a writer who had known evil could channel virtue from the arms of the Devil and bring it back to humans. Bierce attacked goodness precisely because he believed in it, not because he didn’t. He attacked faith because he had lost it. It’s notable that a definition for God is missing from The Devil’s Dictionary. It’s as if Bierce was saying, anyone who wants to know about God should read the Bible, but anyone who wants to know humanity should read this.

What's Bigger Than The Bond Market?

IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

-- From TheDevilsDictionary.com