Touch me not for I am not yet ascended, or Today shalt thou be with me in paradise?

 

The problem of the resurrected but not yet ascended Jesus telling Mary not to touch him but encouraging Thomas to do so in John 20 is hardly the only problem with John's death and resurrection narrative about Jesus. 

John never even gives us the promised ascension at all, despite all the talk in that gospel of the descending and ascending Son of Man.

The absence is not unique to John, however, which tells us that the thinking about all this was, if not fluid, at least not fully formed at the time.

Luke does not reconcile the ascension stories he himself tells in Luke 24:51 and Acts 1:9 with the words of Christ from the cross which he alone records, which imply that Jesus simply expected at death to go to heaven immediately, not to rise from the dead and ascend later, let alone descend into hell in the interim.

Compare Luke's Lazarus, who dies and goes to the bosom of Abraham, while the rich man who ignored him dies and goes to hell (Luke 16:22ff.). This is what is supposed to happen, right? There is no resurrection until "the last day", as Martha informs us (John 11:24). Everybody knows that! But then John's Jesus raises her brother anyway.

And like Matthew's I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world (28:20), the resurrected Jesus in John 21 never really exits the world either. He can appear at any time and say Follow me. Even to one untimely born (I Corinthians 15:8).

Matthew's Jesus doesn't leave in an ascension. He is always present.

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. 

-- Matthew 18:20

The ending supplied to Mark 16, however, agrees with Luke that Jesus ascended to heaven and sat on the right hand of God. Its fascination with signs done by those who believe echos the early Christian history recounted by Luke in Acts, and doubtlessly comes from that part of the tradition and is not originally Marcan. Mark's Jesus eschews signs absolutely (Mark 8:12).

 

And [the other malefactor] said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise. 

-- Luke 23:42f.

Then came the soldiers, and brake the legs of the first, and of the other which was crucified with him. But when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was dead already, they brake not his legs: 

-- John 19:32f.

Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.  

-- John 20:17

Luke strangely tells us all about an appearance of the resurrected Jesus to the two traveling to Emmaus, but nothing about one to Peter on the same day

No gospel at all bothers to tell us about this important appearance to Peter, which Paul puts at the head of his list (I Corinthians 15:3ff.) with the one to himself last.

Luke tells us Peter finds no body in the tomb on the first day of the week, but by the end of this same day Peter is matter of factly said to have had his own encounter with the risen Jesus distinct from an appearance to the eleven, which quickly follows in its turn, as does Jesus' ascension into heaven. There is no appearance to Mary at the tomb, and instead of an appearance in and ascension from Galilee as in Matthew Luke has all this in the vicinity of Jerusalem.

The compression of events by Luke is noteworthy for its similarity to the summary quality of the other accounts. It's almost as if there is a felt need of discomfort by all to get the story over with as quickly as possible. Perhaps because it's so uncertain? 

Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass. ... And certain of them which were with us [the Emmaus travelers] went to the sepulchre, and found it even so as the women had said: but him they saw not. ... And they [the Emmaus travelers] rose up the same hour, and returned to Jerusalem, and found the eleven gathered together, and them that were with them, [who said], The Lord is risen indeed, and hath appeared to Simon.

-- Luke 24:12, 24, 33-34

According to the supplied ending of Mark, every one of the eleven remaining disciples of Jesus did not believe he was risen

Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.

 

-- Mark 16:14

 

And Luke agrees with this:

 

And returned from the sepulchre, and told all these things unto the eleven, and to all the rest. ... And their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not.

 

-- Luke 24:9,11

 

Even in Matthew at least some of the eleven doubt, even after seeing him alive:

 

Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them. And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted.

 

-- Matthew 28:16f.

 

 

 

 

The Synoptic accounts put Mary at the burial of Jesus by Joseph of Arimathaea, but John makes it seem like she didn't get the memo about the spices

And there was Mary Magdalene, and the other Mary, sitting over against the sepulchre. -- Matthew 27:61 In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre. -- Matthew 28:1 (Matthew says nothing about the spices one way or the other)

And Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Joses beheld where he was laid. -- Mark 15:47 And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint him. -- Mark 16:1

And the women also, which came with him from Galilee, followed after, and beheld the sepulchre, and how his body was laid. And they returned, and prepared spices and ointments; and rested the sabbath day according to the commandment. -- Luke 23:55f. Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them.  -- Luke 24:1

Then took they [Joseph and Nicodemus] the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury. -- John 19:40 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.  -- John 20:1 (John has Mary present at least at the cross)

So either Mary came on the first day of the week just to see (Matthew 28:1 and John 20:1), in which case John's account invalidates Mark and Luke, or she came to anoint the body (Mark 16:1 and Luke 24:1), invalidating John.

The tradition is unsettled on this basic point to say the very least, without mentioning other uncertain details.

Joseph of Arimathaea improbably carried away Jesus' body and rolled his great tombstone all by himself

And he bought fine linen, and took him down, and wrapped him in the linen, and laid him in a sepulchre which was hewn out of a rock, and rolled a stone unto the door of the sepulchre. -- Mark 15:46 And they said among themselves, Who shall roll us away the stone from the door of the sepulchre? And when they looked, they saw that the stone was rolled away: for it was very great. -- Mark 16:3f.

And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, And laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed. -- Matthew 27:59f. And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. -- Matthew 28:2

And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre. -- Luke 24:2

John solves the improbability by introducing a helper for Joseph:

And after this Joseph of Arimathaea, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews, besought Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus: and Pilate gave him leave. He came therefore, and took the body of Jesus. And there came also Nicodemus, which at the first came to Jesus by night, and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about an hundred pound weight. Then took they the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury. Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden; and in the garden a new sepulchre, wherein was never man yet laid. There laid they Jesus therefore because of the Jews' preparation day; for the sepulchre was nigh at hand. -- John 19:38ff. The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre. -- John 20:1

But it never occurred to John how improbable it is to have Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead yet still need helpers first to remove Lazarus' tombstone:

Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it. Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days. ... Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. ...  -- John 11:38f., 41.

What if the Jesus Movement wasn't originally a resurrection cult at all?

For a resurrection cult which came to believe in Jesus' resurrection, Jesus' closest followers seem like the biggest bunch of dimwits about it despite all of Jesus' "predictions" that he would rise on the third day.

One begins in Matthew 12:40 with the prediction that the Son of Man would be "three days and three nights in the heart of the earth".

Then follow all the rising-on-the-third-day predictions in Matthew 16:21, 17:23, 20:19 and 26:32.

Mark has these in 8:31, 9:31, 10:34 and 14:28.

Luke in 9:22, 44, 18:33, and ex post facto 24:6ff., 21, 26, 46.

Yet there is unaccountable bewilderment on the part of the disciples about Jesus' prediction: "what the rising from the dead should mean" (Mark 9:10).

There is even fear to inquire: "But they understood not that saying, and were afraid to ask him" (Mark 9:32).

You have to wonder about such dumbfoundedness given the ubiquity of the topic in the gospels otherwise.

In Matthew 10:8 Jesus sent out these same disciples to "raise the dead"! Well, did they?

Resurrections are proof of Jesus' ministry (Matthew 11:5, Luke 7:14, 22 and 8:54).

And speculation existed that Jesus himself was John the Baptist risen from the dead (Matthew 14:2), or one of the prophets (Luke 9:8, 19). Like they hadn't heard that.

You also have to wonder about other perplexing behavior.

Why would the women followers of Jesus bother to prepare spices for the burial of his body and bring them on the third day if he actually predicted that he would die and rise, and they believed this? (Mark 16:1, Luke 23: 56, Luke 24:1)

Even the authorities knew of this prediction, we are led to understand, and took measures to secure against it. (Matthew 27:63f. "that deceiver said 'After three days I will rise again'") The unbelievers knew, but Jesus' own followers did not? (John 20:9 "For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must rise again from the dead")

None of this is satisfactory.

The predictions of Jesus' death and rising on the third day all look to be revisionist history, imported into the narrative from the future when reflection had settled on a resurrection narrative.

That narrative was largely Pauline. It made resurrection the centerpiece of the religion, replacing Jesus' original message of the imminent coming of the kingdom of God. As such the narrative was a Christian form of Pharisaism, in which Paul's genius as a theologian invented the new availability of individual holiness apart from the temple cult, secured through the once for all sacrifice of God's own son.

Jesus meanwhile had intended none of this, not to die for the sins of Israel let alone the whole world. If he intended the replacement of the temple cult, it was with individual repentance and mercy, prayer, and delight in the law of the Lord, bringing an end to the shedding of blood in preparation for the descent of the heavenly temple when God himself would establish justice and peace once and for all, and remove everything from Israel which offended. "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done . . .."

The historical kernel on which was built a religion wholly different from this was simply Jesus' own conviction that as a prophet he would likely be killed.

Out of the molehill of this sober expectation and its unfortunate realization was made the historical accident, the mountain we call Christianity.

Candida Moss pretends that eyewitness reports can't possibly be morality tales ...

. . . and has a curious list of historical sources she likes and dislikes to say the least.

She doesn't trust The Acts of the Apostles, The Da Vinci Code, The Gospel of John, The Da Vinci Code, Tacitus, and The Da Vinci Code.

But she rather likes The Acts of Peter, The Hebrew Bible, The Letters of Paul, The Hebrew Bible, John Chrysostom, and The Hebrew Bible.

Here.

"The irony here, as I argued in my book Myth of Persecution, is that Christian myths about the martyrdom of the apostles don’t even pretend to use the earliest historical sources. Which is just fine, as long as you recognize that they are morality tales, not eyewitness reports." 

The whole idea of Jesus' resurrection is a morality tale, in which the tragedy which befell a good but crazy man consumed with ideas of justice is rationalized to preserve those ideas and those who believe in them.

24 of the eyewitness statements about the Ferguson, MO shooting of Michael Brown lacked any credibility, according to the US Department of Justice

Some of the eyewitnesses feared reprisals from their own community if they provided testimony contradicting the community-approved version. In other words, peer pressure became a powerful influence on the "eyewitnesses" to say the same thing and thus maintain the unity of the group in the face of contradictory evidence.

The similar emphasis on unity in the Fourth Gospel is consistent with a later date for its production, during which time community identity is becoming self-conscious, in part because of attacks on it by outsiders who did not believe, the unique vignette at the end featuring Doubting Thomas being of particular rhetorical significance in response.  

There shall be one fold, and one shepherd. -- John 10:16

Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are. ... That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. -- John 17:11, 21ff.

The witnesses to the Brown shooting, discussed here:

The Department of Justice investigation into the shooting determined that witnesses who corroborated Wilson's account were credible while those who contradicted his account were not. The witnesses that claimed Brown was surrendering or did not move toward Wilson were not credible; the report stated that their claims were inconsistent with the physical evidence, other witness statements, and in some cases prior statements from the same witness. No witness statements that pointed to Wilson's guilt were determined to be credible. Twenty-four statements were determined to lack any credibility, while eight which were found credible corroborated Wilson's account. Nine did not completely contradict nor corroborate Wilson's account. Several witnesses reported fear of reprisals from the community for providing evidence that corroborated Wilson's account.

Jesus enters into life maimed

Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have. And when he had thus spoken, he shewed them his hands and his feet.

-- Luke 24:39f.

The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe. And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you. Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.

-- John 20:25ff.

Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. 

-- Matthew 18:8

And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

-- Mark 9:43

And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

-- Mark 9:45

You shall be my witnesses, or tell no one about me?

[R]epentance and forgiveness of sins should be preached in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. -- Luke 24:47

But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Sama'ria and to the end of the earth. -- Acts 1:8

And Jesus saith unto him, See thou tell no man; but go thy way, shew thyself to the priest, and offer the gift that Moses commanded, for a testimony unto them. -- Matthew 8:4

Then he strictly charged the disciples to tell no one that he was the Christ. -- Matthew 16:20

And he charged them to tell no one; but the more he charged them, the more zealously they proclaimed it. -- Mark 7:36

And he charged them to tell no one about him. -- Mark 8:30

And he charged him to tell no one; but "go and show yourself to the priest, and make an offering for your cleansing, as Moses commanded, for a proof to the people." -- Luke 5:14

And her parents were amazed; but he charged them to tell no one what had happened. -- Luke 8:56

And he straitly charged them, and commanded them to tell no man that thing; -- Luke 9:21

No more death, yet the resurrected Jesus eats fish

Not the lofty conception of Isaiah or even of The Apocalypse:

They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea.

-- Isaiah 11:9

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

-- Revelation 21:4

And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of an honeycomb. And he took it, and did eat before them.

-- Luke 24:42f.

Jesus saith unto them, Come and dine. And none of the disciples durst ask him, Who art thou? knowing that it was the Lord. Jesus then cometh, and taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise. ... So when they had dined . . ..

-- John 21:12ff.

And ye are witnesses of these things, says the risen Christ

Despite the confidence put in eyewitness testimony, it is wrong up to a third of the time, and of wrongful convictions for certain violent crimes, some 75% have turned out to be based on eyewitness testimony.

The popular understanding about Jesus was that he was a prophet, and perhaps the coming prophet like unto Moses

Moses Aaron and Hur by John Everett Millais

When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am? And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets.

-- Matthew 16:13f.

And when he was come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, Who is this? And the multitude said, This is Jesus the prophet of Nazareth of Galilee.

-- Matthew 21:10f.

And Jesus went out, and his disciples, into the towns of Caesarea Philippi: and by the way he asked his disciples, saying unto them, Whom do men say that I am? And they answered, John the Baptist: but some say, Elias; and others, One of the prophets.

-- Mark 8:27f.

And there came a fear on all: and they glorified God, saying, That a great prophet is risen up among us; and, That God hath visited his people. ... Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.

-- Luke 7:16, 39

Now Herod the tetrarch heard of all that was done by him: and he was perplexed, because that it was said of some, that John was risen from the dead; And of some, that Elias had appeared; and of others, that one of the old prophets was risen again. ... And it came to pass, as he was alone praying, his disciples were with him: and he asked them, saying, Whom say the people that I am? They answering said, John the Baptist; but some say, Elias; and others say, that one of the old prophets is risen again.

-- Luke 9:7f., 18f.

Nevertheless I must walk to day, and to morrow, and the day following: for it cannot be that a prophet perish out of Jerusalem.

-- Luke 13:33

And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days? And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people:

-- Luke 24:18f.

And this is the record of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, Who art thou? And he confessed, and denied not; but confessed, I am not the Christ. And they asked him, What then? Art thou Elias? And he saith, I am not. Art thou that prophet? And he answered, No. ... And they asked him, and said unto him, Why baptizest thou then, if thou be not that Christ, nor Elias, neither that prophet?

-- John 1:19ff, 25.

The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.

-- John 4:19

Then those men, when they had seen the miracle that Jesus did, said, This is of a truth that prophet that should come into the world. When Jesus therefore perceived that they would come and take him by force, to make him a king, he departed again into a mountain himself alone.

-- John 6:14f.

Many of the people therefore, when they heard this saying, said, Of a truth this is the Prophet. ... They [the Pharisees] answered and said unto him [Nicodemus], Art thou also of Galilee? Search, and look: for out of Galilee ariseth no prophet.

-- John 7:40, 52

They say unto the blind man again, What sayest thou of him, that he hath opened thine eyes? He said, He is a prophet.

-- John 9:17

For Moses truly said unto the fathers, A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you of your brethren, like unto me; him shall ye hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. And it shall come to pass, that every soul, which will not hear that prophet, shall be destroyed from among the people.

-- Acts 3:22f.

This is that Moses, which said unto the children of Israel, A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you of your brethren, like unto me; him shall ye hear.

-- Acts 7:37

The LORD thy God will raise up unto thee a Prophet from the midst of thee, of thy brethren, like unto me; unto him ye shall hearken; ... And the LORD said unto me, They have well spoken that which they have spoken. I will raise them up a Prophet from among their brethren, like unto thee, and will put my words in his mouth; and he shall speak unto them all that I shall command him.

-- Deuteronomy 18:15, 17f.

And Joshua the son of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom; for Moses had laid his hands upon him: and the children of Israel hearkened unto him, and did as the LORD commanded Moses. And there arose not a prophet since in Israel like unto Moses, whom the LORD knew face to face,

-- Deuteronomy 34:9f.

Subordinationism of one kind or another is inevitable, as illustrated by William Lane Craig

Here, where the full humanity of Jesus is denied because it is subordinate to the one divine person:

[T]here is no human person named “Jesus of Nazareth.” Jesus is a divine person, and medieval theologians were careful never to refer to Jesus as a human person.

 

Oops:

Ye men of Israel, hear these words; Jesus of Nazareth, a man approved of God among you by miracles and wonders and signs, which God did by him in the midst of you, as ye yourselves also know.  

-- Acts 2:22

 

 

 

 

And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people.

 

-- Luke 24:19

Just fooling around

 

 

Whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

-- Matthew 5:22

Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold? ... Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gift, or the altar that sanctifieth the gift?

-- Matthew 23:17, 19

 

Ye fools, did not he that made that which is without make that which is within also? 

 

-- Luke 11:40 

 

But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? 

 

-- Luke 12:20 

 

Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken.

-- Luke 24:25

 

Behold, thou art called a Jew ... an instructor of the foolish ...

 

-- Romans 2:17, 20

 

Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. 

 

-- I Corinthians 3:18  

 

We are fools for Christ's sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised.

-- I Corinthians 4:10

 

For ye suffer fools gladly, seeing ye yourselves are wise. 

 

-- II Corinthians 11:19