THE ALCHEMY OF "A"
For fools are stubborn in their way, As coins are harden'd by th' allay.
-- Hudibras
"B" BAWLS
When we are born, we cry, that we are come To this great stage of fools.
-- Shakespeare
A CHAMFER FOR "C"
Changelings and fools of heav'n, and thence shut out, Wildly we roam in discontent about.
-- Dryden
THE DEPTHS OF "D"
They damn themselves, nor will my muse descend To clap with such who fools and knaves commend.
-- Dryden
THE EFFRONTERY OF "E"
I lose my patience, and I own it too, Where works are censur'd, not as bad, but new; While, if our elders break all reason's laws, Those fools demand not pardon, but applause.
-- Pope
THE FOPPERY OF "F"
Fools to popular praise aspire Of publick speeches, which worse fools admire; While, from both benches, with redoubled sounds, Th' applause of lords and commoners abounds.
-- Dryden
A GANDER AT "G"
Mighty dulness crown'd, shall take through Grub-street her triumphant round; And her Parnassus glancing o'er at once, Behold a hundred sons, and each a dunce.
-- Pope
A HA'PENNY FOR "H"
Half-wits are fleas, so little and so light, We scarce could know they live, but that they bite.
-- Dryden
IAMBS FOR "I"
On ev'ry thorn delightful wisdom grows, In ev'ry stream a sweet instruction flows; But some untaught o'erhear the whisp'ring rill, Inspite of sacred leisure, blockheads still.
-- Young
A JABOT OF "J"
From this last toil again what knowledge flows? Just as much, perhaps, as shows That all his predecessor's rules Were empty cant, all jargon of the schools.
-- Prior
A KNAR OF "K"
An honest man may take a knave's advice; But idiots only may be cozen'd twice.
-- Dryden
THE ILLUSIONS OF "L"
Strange coz'nage! none would live past years again, Yet all hope pleasure in what yet remain; And from the dregs of life think to receive What the first sprightly running could not give.
-- Dryden
MUGGED BY "M" I AM
I'm stopp'd by all the fools I meet, And catechis'd in ev'ry street.
-- Swift
"N" RAISES A DIN
Vain show and noise intoxicate the brain Begin with giddiness, and end in pain.
-- Young
"O" CASTS A SHADOW
But now these Epicures begin to smile, And say, my doctrine is more safe than true; And that I fondly do myself beguile, While these receiv'd opinions I ensue.
-- Davies
A PRODUCTION FROM "P"
Here gathering chroniclers, and by them stand Giddy fantastick poets of each land.
-- Donne
PIQUANT "Q"
What, are you dumb? Quick, with your answer, quick, Before my foot salutes you with a kick.
-- Dryden's Juvenal
THE RESTRAINT OF "R"
Rhyme is a crutch that lifts the weak along, Supports the feeble, but retards the strong.
-- Smith
"S" IS FOR SEED PLOT
The pestilent seminaries, according to their grossness or subtility, activity, or hebetude, cause more or less truculent plagues.
-- Harvey
"T" TELLS A TALE
The bookful blockhead, ignorantly read, With loads of learned lumber in his head, With his own tongue still edifies his ears, And always list'ning to himself appears.
-- Pope
OH UNQUALIFIED "U"!
How can the muse her aid impart, Unskill'd in all the terms of art? Or in harmonious numbers put The deal, the shuffle, and the cut?
-- Swift
AN INTERVENTION OF "V"
Sad accidents, and a state of affliction, is a school of virtue; it corrects levity, and interrupts the confidence of sinning.
-- Taylor
"W" MAKES A WASTREL
Young master next must rise to fill him wine, And starve himself to see the booby dine.
-- King
UNEXAMPLED "X"
Virtuous and vicious ev'ry man must be, Few in th' extreme, but all in the degree; The rogue and fool by fits is fair and wise, And ev'n the best, by fits, what they despise.
-- Pope
"Y" PLAYS THE TYRANT
Love is your master, for he masters you: And he that is so yoked by a fool, Methinks, should not be chronicled for wise.
-- Shakespeare
"Z", IT SEEMS
We that acquaint ourselves with ev'ry zone, And pass the tropicks, and behold each pole; When we come home, are to ourselves unknown, And unacquainted still with our own soul.
-- Davies
